I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize