WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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