I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
