so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
