I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
