I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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