she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
