we have officially lost it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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