You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
