I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
