All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
