you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
