That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
