if you like me you must not know who I am
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
