I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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