If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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