why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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