my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
