remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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