I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
