I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
