he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
