I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
