So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He shit in the fireplace
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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