Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
