so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
