Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
