Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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