He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i've created a new STD.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
