If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You're like the curious george of whores
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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