Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
