my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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