I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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