i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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