I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
