Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
