fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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