when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize