I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize