There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
