i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
