I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
