i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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