Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize