actually, I'm a sock model
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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