Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
