Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize