his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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