Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
