a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
