A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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