four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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