I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
