You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
