If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
