I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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