No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i drank out of a bidet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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