I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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