Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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