There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
