I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
