thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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