There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
