...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
