So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
