I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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