if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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