RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize