Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
