New low: just hacked my moms facebook
love makes seman taste better
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
